Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Extra deep cleavages and traditional values

Shockingly we were all out of bed more than half an hour before we had to head out of the door. Sir Sprout was changed, dressed and busy disassembling his wooden train when The Ultimate Other Half got out of shower.

That doesn't mean that I was any more efficient than any other morning though. Lazy and sleepy as usual I curled myself into comfy bundle on the duvet while the boys were having discussions about the right location of dirty socks (wash basket, not Daddys feet) or mobile phone (Daddys pocket, all other options unacceptable). Eventually, after the boys had overcome all their differences and pranced towards the staircase, hand in hand, I headed to bathroom.

When I came out my bra was nowhere to be found. Or my top.

Yes, I do have more than one bra and top but those were the ones I wanted to wear! Ever tried to reason with pregnant woman? Don't waste your time!

Anyway, that's how I ended up downstairs in jeans and unzipped hoodie, tits akimbo.

The Ultimate Other Half gave me a long thoughtful look.

"Don't you think you've overdone it a bit with the cleavage," he said, staring at my not so covered boobs and belly.

"What's wrong with it," I snorted. "Don't you like it?"

"No, I do, it's just, you know, Irish traditional values and stuff ... People might not accept it. I know that you're proud of your bump but it's not really that noticeable."

"YES IT BLOODY IS!" I announced clutching the bra and top located on bench in the hallway.

"Trust me, you go to work like that and nobody will notice the bump!" he sneered.

Maybe I should start a poll about cleavage-tolerance of traditional Irish values.

And the top is firmly on. No need to traumatize beloved colleagues with topless whale.

23 comments:

Hails said...

I think the Irish would be more tolerant than you'd suspect of a dishevelled, slightly wild Foreigner in jeans and an unzipped hoodie! Who cares about traditional values? There's probably a whole other set of rules when you're pregnant, anyway. ;)

Foreigner by Default said...

I like the idea of about the different set of rules. A lot!
Now excuse me while I resign to the bathroom and repeat in front of mirror: "It's perfectly OK to be a raving psycho evil lunatic, it's just a side effect of pending motherhood, It's perfectly OK to be..."

Rosie said...

you'd have made everyone's day, showing up to work like that. for varying reasons, i'll grant you, but it would have raised a smile or two!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I don't know why, But I just picture you going to the newsagents like that for a box of firelighters and the paper.

Very funny post, and a reminder that 'tits akimbo' should be used more often in literature today.

Foreigner by Default said...

rosie - I did consider the entertainment factor but then decided that I'll sport "boobs gracefully resting on keyboard" look some other day.

XBox - coming to think of it I COULD use a box of firelighters...

Anonymous said...

That was me this morning! Fresh out of the shower, running around completely topless looking for my (disappearing) bra.

However, I have recently stopped breastfeeding and I am completely minus a bump, so I think you would have made a prettier sight than I did.

Veronica said...

Grrrr @ blogger not working properly. Anonymous comment was actually me.

bsouth said...

There are certainly different dress rules when you're pregnant. The only time I've ever changed my t-shirt in a field (with tits almost akimbo but definitely for all to see) was when I was 7 months pregnant and HUGE. I figured everyone would be so aghast by the bump they wouldn't care about the tits! Oh, and your new mantra is entirely correct.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I get nervous you you're not around for a week....

bring back your tits akimbo.

K8 the Gr8 said...

I always advise people with body issues to take a trip to McDonald's in the Square, Tallaght.

This is where you find nature at its best... If you've ever been curious as to what a 22 stone woman looks like in size 8 clothes, you go here. It's delightful.

Rosie said...

best advice ever.

English Mum said...

I bet you looked ravishing. And Rosie's right - your colleagues would have been delighted!! x

English Mum said...

Oy. Where've you gone? Hope all okay with you xx

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I second that.

I hope all is well.

Hails said...

Hey you! Miss your posts and your amusing comments on mine. Really hope everything's OK. Thinking about you! (in a nice, friendly, concerned sort of way, as opposed to the frightening thoughts of an internet stalker you've never met)

English Mum said...

Hello? Hellooooo? Foreigner, Foreigner, wherefore art thou? Miss you, girly, hope you're well xx

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